Why My Chess Career Has Declined

I am currently reading Stephen Hendry's autobiography and there are some interesting insights into the career of a top sportsman.

I can't possibly compare myself to Hendry, a multiple world champion, but when I read his book I found that a lot of what he was saying was reasonating. When he talked about how he ended up losing to people that shouldn't have been on the same table as him. About when he experienced negative thoughts during matches, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy and a domino effect would take hold. Eventually it became too much to bear and the Scotsman retired his early 40s.

                                 In his prime, Hendry was one of the most dominant sportsmen of the 1990s.

I also feel the same. While not a dominant winner like Hendry was, or even a champion, I have felt the pain as my rating has declined. I've gone from a peak of 2573 to currently running at a live rating of around 2414. Even allowing for the obvious deflation in the system, that's a worrying fall from grace.

I don't feel fundamentally weaker than I was, but what is clear is that the weaknesses I once had have magnified. I always felt that I was an intuitive, emotional player. But lately that tendency to lapse into "guessing" has cost me. Under pressure or when the game becomes critical I tend to forget to calculate, and end up playing more on instinct. It is as if there is some force, some hidden pressure enabling me to act as quickly as possible.

 I played 24. c4? fairly quickly. After the obvious reply 24... Bd7! I was already lost, as 25. f3 will now run into 25... c6! 26. Bf7 (or 26.Be4 ... Rxd2 27. Rxd2 ... Bxg4 winning material.) 26... Re1+! 27 Rxe1. ... Rxd2, when I will collapse along the second rank, amongst my other difficulties. in the game I tried 25 h3, and after 25... c6 26 Bg2 ... Rxd2 27. Rxd2... Re1! 28. Bf1.. h5,  I was hopelessly busted.

Instead it was better to play 24. gxf4 ... gxf4 25 f3! (I also considered the immediate 24.f3.) leading to the following position:

Here I miscalculated, thinking that 25... Re2 was winning by force, forgetting about 26. Rxe2 ... Bxe2 27. Re1! (I only saw 27.Rd2.) was ok for White, as he mentioned in our brief chat afterwards. Instead of 25... Re2, Black could go for the tricky ...25 Ba4! continuing to pose problems. Annoying, that I didn't use some of my time to check the position after 26... Bxe2. If I had done, it surely would have only taken me a few seconds to see there was an alternative to 27.Rd2. 

It is true that his speedy and confident play drew the error, and perhaps I'm not ready to compete with this level of player yet. After all Dardha is one of the most talented players in mainland Europe, and already won the Belgium championsip at the age of 12. I have never been at his level and certainly am not now.

I am only really using this as an example of how I am moving too quickly in critical situations and allowing my ego to get the better of me. There is no willingness to plumb the depths, to get into the variations. If someone came up to me after the game and asked me about the position after he played 23... Rd6, I should be some kind of expert on that position. I should be able to tell them everything about it. 

Instead I knew nothing, and that is hardly surprising, because how can you expect to know that 24. c4 is the best move without checking any of the variations? All these thoughts were angrily buzzing around my head after the game. 

I have collapsed too often in this way in critical ways in recent years, losing to players not on the same level as Dardha. I remember Daniel Fernandez telling me at the British championship if I have an obvious weakness it is that in positions when I am worse, say -1, I don't put up as much resistance as some players. That is because I am allowing my thoughts to get away from me and emotion take over. I stop thinking and start reacting.

A pity, because I once felt that resisting in bad positions was a strength of mine. Playing more would certainly help, because that would get me used to calculating variations. Then I hopefully wouldn't have the lapses above.

To eloborate even more, my over the board classical results have declined for the following reasons:

•  A failure to keep up with the latest opening theory/trends. In the game mentioned above, I was slightly worse exiting the opening with White. To be able to compete with better players, you need more. I don't think I'm spending enough time honing my repertoire with either colour. 

•  I am letting my ego dictate my thoughts too much during a game of chess. It creates a domino effect, when in bad positions I start reacting too much, instead of practicing inner calm and forcing the opponent to at least work hard to beat me. 

• I am distant from everything and don't play enough strong tournaments. Stuck up in Alnwick with little money to go travelling and play, it is no wonder that my chess level has declined. I don't work with anyone, am not inspired by anything.  It was also depressing that I didn't get invited to a tournament like Cambridge.

• Along the same lines as above, it would help if I had some kind of support network/coach to  build some confidence and point me in the right direction. This is the problem when you are a chess player, most of the time you are completely on your own.

• I probably play too much online chess/ puzzle rush, which tends to promote superficiality of thinking. You can see that in my play now. 

I'm not sure what the solution is, other than quitting, which would probably leave too large an intellectual vaccum in my life. But equally I have no desire to fall into the 2300s, or the 2200s, and so on. Just a managed decline holds no interest for me. So the only realistic idea I have is to somehow get enough money together to play enough tournaments that rust won't be an issue, and then hopefully I can build confidence from there.

Because deep down I think I still have ability. My online play is as good as it was, so it is not age.